This post is spawned for an article from NBC Chef Grant Achatz starts Twitter debate: Should babies be banned from high-end restaurants? by Tracy Saelinger (TODAY contributor).
I don’t think they should ban babies, it is up to the parents to be respectful of others who are dining. If the baby should get agitated or upset and cry, take a breather and walk with the baby. At 8 mo my son was still Breastfeeding so a quick boob fix was all he would need to nod back off again or at least relax and be in mommy milk trance for a while. With that said, my almost 2-year-old doesn’t understand “inside” voice yet. Personally, I would never dream of bringing him to a 3 hour, 18 course meal that cost over $200 per plate and you have to wait for weeks or months for a table.
If you can afford a restaurant that expensive then you probably have a full-time live in nanny that the kids can stay with. Or at least a full-time nanny/babysitter you can ask to stay late and pay them an overtime bonus. Do babysitters cancel, sure they do but then be the respectful parent and walk out when your baby starts to cry. If you are like most Americans and you can’t “normally” afford the restaurant then it is a “special” date night and you should enjoy your spouse/significant other/whoever you are with without babies and children.
We have not had a date night since R was born. We did attempt it once when the little guy was 5 months old but we were called back before our dinner was served. We take him everywhere, he has even been to an Irish Pub!! Of course it was for a late lunch, but he had a good time sitting at the table like a big boy, no high chairs there. He is a good baby/toddler and on the rare occasion when he gets a little loud(or has a tantrum) I excuse myself and take him outside for a cool down walk. Most times people give the look of sympathy as I walk by with a mad toddler.
All in all, maybe not ban babies but if the parents don’t get off their asses and take the baby out of the restaurant then definitely have the waiter politely ask them to take the baby outside until it has calmed down and is no longer crying. It is the parents who need to be respectful of others.
Are family dinners important in your house?
I grew up in a house where we had a sit down dinner most nights of the week. Our dinner time was seen as time to talk about our days or watch the news and talk about what is going on in the community(local and national). Sean and I have family dinner even before the baby was born. Now our little guy is almost 16 months old and we have family dinner most nights of the week. The only night that are missed are nights he has to work late and Robert will need to go to bed before Sean gets home.
I have read many mixed reports of the importance of a set family dinner time. I think it is beneficial for families to sit down together for at least one meal a day. I remember as I got older sports, after school clubs and a part-time job kept me out later and made family dinners impossible sometimes.
A quick post before I head to bed…
I decided to stay home tonight instead of going out with the Moms from the Mom’s group I am part of just to see if it was a fluke. I let Robert play as normal while I got dinner ready. No pounding tonight at all. I thought I heard some banging at one point but it wasn’t anything that was disruptive. It has been a nice peaceful night. I hope it stays this way and I don’t have to talk to the landlord. I hate being a tattle-tale but when it comes to my little boy and his well-being I will stop at nothing to make sure he is happy and healthy. A mother’s Love knows no bounds.
I want to thank the Mom’s in my mom’s group who gave me feedback and suggestions. I really like the “kill him with kindness” suggestion of buying a small gift card so he can go have something to eat on us.
SWEET DREAMS EVERYONE!!
For those of you who are new to the blog please check out my post “Question of the Day: When does an unruly neighbor cross the line to Baby Bullying?” Reading that post first you will get an idea of the level of insanity we are dealing with.
DISCLAIMER: I AM LIVID RIGHT NOW!!!
So, the evening started fine. Got Robert fed and put to bed before I headed out to my Mary Kay training. I heard the little guy cry as I left the house and Sean went in to his room and got him. When I got home I asked his daddy how the night went and this is what he told me happened.
Robert was playing with his blocks and walking around his toy chest fighting sleep. The guy down stairs started pounding. When daddy saw that the little guy was sleepy and ready to pass out he put him in his crib and he fell asleep almost instantly. Then the guy started to pound again and so loud that it woke up the baby. WTF… So Sean had to calm the overtired baby again. I don’t go out much so daddy is new to the overtired baby crying and he was awesome. Robert was sound a sleep when I got home and the pounding was faint more like a banging by the time I started blogging this.
All I know is I am VERY protective of my baby and he better be glad I wasn’t home for his bullying of my baby because I would have marched downstairs with a crying baby and me in tears and laid the guilt trip on THICK. Heaven help him if the guilt trip ever stops working. I don’t know what I would do if I felt threatened. All I know is my Irish Italian temper would not be pretty when mixed with protective mama bear instincts.
Sean ignored the pounding and resisted the urge to go down and be protective papa bear. (I am so proud of his self-control) I wanted to go bang on his door the moment Sean told me what happened tonight while I was out. But instead I am venting my anger here because I really don’t know what to do. it was one thing for him to pound when the baby was playing and barreling across the floor (still unacceptable) but when the baby is asleep and he pounds waking him up should be a crime. I should mention the baby finally went to sleep at 8pm.
How would you handle this? Because that guys actions tonight make me very concerned about Sean and I leaving at the same time and having a baby sitter here. If we have a baby sitter here what should I tell them to do? Should I tell them it is ok to call the cops? What do you do about someone who bullies a 15 month old baby?
04/01/12 – 2 months old
This is my favorite breastfeeding moment. Our youngest cat, 5 years old, was my baby before Robert came into our family. She was a little jealous of the amount of attention Robert got and still is. She was also protective of the little guy. Until he was too big for her to fit she liked to lay on the other side of him while he nursed. It was so sweet. When he got bigger she would lay on my legs if I had them propped up or on the little table I had next to us. This is the only picture I have of nursing our little one. At the time I didn’t want pictures taken because I had tubes around me and I didn’t really want to remember that part of recovery. Truth is, I never forgot and now I consider it part of my right of passage to being a mother.
Oh boy oh boy!! I really hope this is just a phase. Our little guy has now begun to scream. He will scream when he is happy, sad, mad, excited, frustrated and sometimes for no reason at all. I have no clue sometimes why he is screaming and those times I really wish he could put words to his thoughts. When he is frustrated it is usually because he can’t complete a task that he is trying to do or walk around the table how he wants. And sometimes he screams because I am cooking and not paying 100% attention to him.
:: Big sigh ::
What is the best way to deal with this behavior? So far I assess the situation and if he is frustrated I explain what I think is bothering him. When he is mad or sad I tell him I understand his feelings and everything is ok. If he is happy or excited I try to “shhh” him and tell him to use an inside voice. (not too early for him to learn, right?)
Is there a better way to handle it? How long will this phase last…. I would love some advise and/or great wisdom.
When does a neighbor become more of a baby bully than unruly? How do/would you deal with a baby bully? Might seem like an odd questions but here is what happened to us and how I dealt with it in a sleep deprived state.
We live in a large Victorian house on the top floor. We are quiet for the most part with normal baby noise. A little background as to what I was dealing with up here. Our little guy had been teething with 4 molars and 2 more bottom teeth, 6 at one time wasn’t fun plus, after a visit to the ER a double ear infection.
Every time the baby crawls the guy down stairs pounds on the wall. He can’t pound on the ceiling because each apartment has drop down ceilings with insulation between it and the “real” ceiling. After a couple of days of him pounding and it registering that it was because of the baby I went down and asked him if the baby’s crawling was bothering him. He said “don’t pay attention to me, I think I am going crazy. I’ll come up if it is really bothering me.” I went back up stairs and the pounding seemed to stop for a couple of days and then it returned.
Every time our little guy would crawl he would bang. If a toy was dropped or the little guy fell over trying to stand, he would bang on his walls. After that I started not letting him out of his bed room when he got up until he went down for his nap. When he got up I would let him play in the living room for until lunch and his afternoon nap. After his afternoon nap I would have him in his room and a little bit of time in the living room before dinner and bed. The night we had to take the little guy to the ER was the beginning of the last straw. I put the little guy down long enough to put the diaper bag together and the pounding began. Our little guy was beginning to think it was a game so the more the guy down stairs pounded our little one would raise his feet or hands and smash them down in response so this process would repeat. When we got home from the ER I tried to get a little sleep but our little one wasn’t sleeping more that 1-1.5 hours at a time. I was exhausted. Over the weekend his daddy was home from work and the pounding was getting under his skin and he said something to me and I responded “What do you want me to do about it? Go downstairs and say something to him?” I was livid, I didn’t even let Sean answer and I was out the door, stomped down stairs paced back and forth to calm myself down before I knocked on his door nicely. I was all ready to be sweet and ask him about the baby’s crawling again but he didn’t answer the door, he didn’t even respond to my knock. So, up stairs I went and we didn’t hear another peep from him all night. We decided that night that we were going to buy an area rug and padding to go over that part of the floor. The next day was mostly quiet down stairs with little pounding here and there but the day after that is when I couldn’t take it any more.
The little guy had not been sleeping more than 2 hours at a time and it would take an hour to get him back to sleep. That means I wasn’t sleeping and I was a bundle of emotions. I had the little one in his room all day until after his last nap I put him in his high chair to eat lunch took him out put him on the floor long enough for me to wipe down his tray. We are talking maybe 2 minutes max. and the guy started pounding. So I scooped the baby up, took him down stairs and knocked on the guys door. This time I told him “I have been keeping the baby trapped in his high chair and cooped up in his room which is making him not nap or sleep well. We spent money we didn’t have to spend on a rug and padding to make it better for you and if that doesn’t work I don’t know what else to do.” By that point I was in tears. His response was “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, don’t worry about me. let the little guy crawl around I won’t say another word or yell anymore.” I was thinking “yelling, I never heard yelling”. I said thank you and was on our way back upstairs. from that moment on we heard no more pounding other than his normal random pounding that is not baby related.
I consider him a borderline baby bully.
What worked when you potty trained a little boy?
As we quickly approach the potty training stage I am a smidgen scared blended with extremely excited by the idea of potty training a boy. After reading hundreds upon hundreds of potty reviews we made our decision. The white potty seat comes off to fit on out toilet which will be nice for when he is bigger.
We start our Potty training venture by letting him get used to seeing the potty in the bathroom. 🙂
Arm & Hammer 3 in 1 Potty Seat
Favorite baby music… We jam to some Baby Einstein mostly. I play a little of all types of music throughout the day so he is diversified in the music he is exposed to. I like to play him everything from classical, oldies, big band, swing, pop, rock, industrial, goth, emo 80’s(he is not a fan of 1 hit wonders) and so much more. I figure if he hears it and we dance to it he will be well rounded and have an appreciation of all types of music.
What is your guilty pleasure (please, no x-rated stuff)?
I would say a nice glass of wine and a good book. It is rare that I get time to just sit, read and sip a little wine. Heck it is rare that I even get time to just sit and read. I usually read once my significant other and baby are in bed but I am usually the first one to crash once the little man is in bed. I did a New Mama Recharge in January which was a big eye opener. I didn’t take any time for me since the baby was born a year ago. WOW how could I miss the “me” time? Now I try to find at least one night a week that is just for me for a few hours. Granted I have already had dinner and put the little guy to bed but I can really relax.