Getting Close to the Time of Year We Verbally Give Thanks…

I love all the people who have really stuck by my side no matter what and for that each moment I am very thankful to have each of you in my life, you are my family.

Some of you I haven’t met in person and you have still been there for me when I needed a sounding board.
Some of you I have known practically my whole life and others for a short while.
No matter where you are in the world, near or far, you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers each moment of every day.
You are the ones who give me strength to be who I am no matter what the obstacles.
You are the ones who stand beside me and hold my hand when times get rough.
You are the ones that against all odds will be there for me as steady as a rock.
Some of you will lose contact with me yet even then you will still be in my heart like family.
Some of you will reconnect with me after years apart and a piece of my heart will heal.
Some of you will be lost forever and for that, my heart grieves for you and the loss with each moment that passes you will be missed.
This is the time of year when I verbally say “Thank You Friends, for being my Family.”

To those who have strayed from our bond
Know the door is always open,
The phone line is always clear,
Social media is accessible.
You are never out of my heart, thoughts and well wishes.
Always remember, you are loved for who you are not by the actions you take.
You are family, no matter what drifts people apart, family is forever.

❤  Many blessings to be shared with those near and far, from the depths of my heart “I Thank You”.  ❤

Having a PPD Moment … Getting Personal… Family, Heartbreak and Hope…

** DISCLAIMER **  I wrote this on Nov 15th and made it a private post.  It is a very emotional post and I wasn’t going to post it but, after talking to some of the women in my PPD group I have decided to make it public.  I am not the only one going through these emotions even though situations may be different the raw emotion expressed here is me to the core.  I will not apologize for my feelings as they are a part of who I am.  This post was written to help me heal a wound that had occurred as a result of events unknown to me, we are the ones who are living with and feeling the effects of someone else’s decisions that I can not control.  The person who looses the most is my son.   My follow-up post is GETTING CLOSE TO THE TIME OF YEAR WE VERBALLY GIVE THANKS…  where I thank everyone who is close in my heart.  **
As we get closer to making the big move.  I am laying out the cost and looking for places to live.  I like the idea of finding a nice townhouse to rent to start with and then we can take the time to find a nice house in my old school district.  And it looks like we should be able to make our move in about 18 months give or take a couple of months.  And as I think about moving I am excited to be closer to family and friends some, who I have known since I was a wee little girl.  This isn’t a case of “the grass is greener” but of “this grass just ain’t gettin’ greener.”  :/

We now live in a small(very small, the size of a town) city with a handful of my SO’s family around.  They aren’t as close-knit as my family is even with all the miles between us.  It makes me sad to be so close to family and not get to see them in so long.  I know everyone is busy with work and nuclear family time but my son has a cousin 6 weeks older than him who he hasn’t seen since Easter.  And that breaks my heart.  I always extend invites and many times never receive a reply.  My mind knows it isn’t anything personal, but my heart feels otherwise.  Oh well…  I keep the hope that we will see everyone before we move to NY but as time passes my heart grows weary and sad.

When I think about it I get so sad and then I think about how some people might think I have it easy being a stay home mom who gets to play with her child all day.  Let me say…  it is hard to find activities to entertain and educate our little guy all day, EVERY day, 7 days a week.  Some days I would love to have a child care provider I could drop him off at and then pick him up, even if just for 2 hours.  I love my son with all my heart and would do anything for him and anything to protect him but sometimes mommy needs a break too.  Yes, it is fun to watch his mind work every moment and yes it is nice to be able to do things with him.  Am I lucky??  Some days I really question if I am and I think that a family with 2 working parents have it easy being able to drop their child/children off to someone so they can have the daunting task of entertaining a toddler.  Usually those days are accompanied with the major meltdowns or tantrums from being frustrated.

Add in that I am not just a Stay At Home Mom(SAHM) but I am trying to launch a company using nap times as work times, staying up late working on various products, making tutorials, doing research and setting up a webstore.  My SO works 11.5 hours a day 5-6 days a week and when he gets home he has about 1.5 hours with our son before it is bedtime.  I am up until about 11pm almost every night working on business stuff that I can’t get done during the day.  The little guy wakes around 5 am but never after 6:15am.  In our house 6:15 is sleeping in.  So there’s not much time for sleep.

A little more than 2 months ago my SO had to be rushed to the hospital with chest pains.  I was scared out of my mind, I had no one I could really talk to other than his Mom, who is wonderful and I love her dearly, but she was only here in town for vacation.  We were very lucky it wasn’t his heart but it really put life into perspective for us.  We made the decision to move to NY so I could be closer to a tight-knit support group of family and friends.  It will be nice to be closer to the friends and family I left when I moved to Fl 15 years ago.  I miss my parents, my siblings (even though 1/2 are not in the area anymore), my friends who have stayed by my side even though we have had over 1000 miles between us, and all my nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins…  I look forward to all the play dates, family get togethers, “mommy” time, and having a network of fabulous people who I can call and say “hey, I am stressed out, can you help me out” and know that they will be there as soon as they can to lend a hand.

I will miss our family we have here in MA, of course, but with everyone working such crazy hours there aren’t enough hours in a day to squeeze in anyone but the nuclear family.  I have gotten really close with Sean’s Aunt and love spending time with her.  I will miss her tons and will have to teach her how to Skype.  I was asked today “How great is it that your little one has a cousin to play with who is the same age?”  I replied, “I don’t know, we haven’t seen them since a few days after Easter.”  The person responded “That is so sad, hope you see them soon.”  In that moment I felt my heart sink wondering if we will see them before we move.  I try to keep it all in and not let the emotions out but some days it is harder than others to mask my sadness, and today is one of those days.  Today I have thought about how much I miss all our family and friends near and far.  Some days I feel so isolated because I am a SAHM and feel as I and our family is not worthy of other’s time, like I am not good enough…  I work my butt off all day everyday to not only raise our son but to build a business of our own.

That is all the jumbled rant I have today.  I am sure getting this out and a good night sleep will do wonders to lift up my spirits.  In just over 6 hours I will have to smile and giggle my way through the day, “fake it till ya make it” philosophy.

 

Road Trip Success

I had the car loaded and ready to go for our departure first thing in the morning.  I had all kinds of good stuff for us to listen to from Marbles’ Brain Beats, Katy Perry, Disney nursery rhymes, VNV Nation, Wumpscut, Dimmu Borgir, jewel’s lullabies and a bi-lingual toddler book on tape.  I learned real quick he was on with the nursery rhymes cd once by round 2 he was ready for something new.  He would sing along to just about everything.  As for activities for him to do I didn’t leave anything out.  I had everything packed from a new stuffed crab to give him if he got “crabby” to a few of his favorite toys.  I had the iPad loaded with a couple of Disney short films and Thomas the Train story collection, or so I thought.  We were about 2 hours away from our destination and we stopped at a rest area so I could pop in the video.  OH BOY was I surprised when I went to pull up Thomas and it said “Unable to load video”.  WHAT, But I tested it and it played fine at the house???  Apparently it didn’t finish downloading completely.  grrrrr  So here I was 2 hours away and my plan was derailed.  But not to fret because within about 20 minutes he fell asleep again and was out for about 40 more minutes.

He didn’t even need the movie he had his favorite monkey, his sippy cup, his cup of goldfish, and his Leap Frog “Scout” dog and he was perfectly happy the entire trip.  Only a couple of times he didn’t want to get in the car but it was nothing once I got him in and handed him Mr Monkey he was fine.  I have been blessed with a very good traveler.  Thankfully Daddy will arrive before we have to travel back home and he will ride back with us.

The next solo trip is a 24 hour trip down the coast to Florida to see the grandparents in the wintertime.  That will be the next adventure.

 

Predator Alert in Ocala, Fl (vehicle plates from Ohio)

White Ford Ranger - Ohio Tag # PHG 5832

White Ford Ranger – Ohio Tag # PHG 5832

The driver of this White Ford Ranger Ohio (Tag # PHG 5832) is morbidly obese, white Male, between 30 – 40 years old.  He was walking around the yard looking at the house of a friend of mine in Ocala, Florida. (the house is not for sale)  My friend has 2 small children under the age of 3.  When she went outside to ask him what he was doing he got into the vehicle and sped away.  If anyone has seen this vehicle please let me know and/or alert your local police.  My friend nor her husband knew who this person was.  Her mother’s intuition gave her the feeling that he is a predator or stalker of some sort.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE …  THIS IS NOT A SPAM POST…  Please pass this along and help keep my friend and other’s in the area safe.  Thank you.

White Ford Ranger - Ohio Tag # PHG 5832

White Ford Ranger – Ohio Tag # PHG 5832

Tim Tebow to the Pats???

As a former GATOR and Gator Fan I am excited to hear the news that Tebow will (not official until later today) be coming to the New England Patriots.  I was more than a little disappointed to hear how he was sulking like a preschooler who didn’t get their way when he was over looked for the starting Quarterback position with the Jets.  I never did understand why he didn’t choose the Pats in the first place.  Oh sure, I get he wanted to be a start QB but that only happens when you can play ball with the big boys like a big boy.

I am excited to see what will unfold as a new era of Pats football begins.  I am going to be the gator fan who puts a Tebow Pats Jersey on Robert’s wish list for his birthday that’s for sure.  I will give a final update to the post when I return this afternoon with the final verdict of Tebow’s move to the Patriots.

Bring on the Tebow Mania to NE.  Now I won’t feel so bad that we named Robert’s lamb Tebow knowing he will be on the Patriots and not on the Jets.

TO BE UPDATED WHEN “OFFICIAL”