Today’s letter comes from Ron. It is nice to see a dad writing in.
My wife is breastfeeding our first born and I feel left out. Not just from the baby’s life but from my wife’s life as well. Is there anything I can do to be more involved or feel more involved?
Thank you for your question. There are a few ways to feel more involved. I would nurse everywhere in the house. Sometimes my fiancee would be sitting next to me and we would hang out. When my milk supply started to drop he helped by helping me relax. He helped massage my breasts gently. It wasn’t a sexual thing but it helped him still have contact and helped my milk let down. I would also pump a lot of milk and he would give our son bottles from time to time. There were times I would be nursing in bed and he would gently massage our sons head. It was tender and sweet. I am amazed at how much just those little things meant to me. One of the nicest things he would do was get our son if he was crying and bring him to me. It was something small but sometimes those little actions mean more than flowers or gifts.
As for the sexual aspect. I always laughed and said I didn’t understand why parents have less sex. Why should having a baby hinder sex. WOW, was I in for a shock. LOL It is amazing how priorities shift and being intimate shifts to cuddle time and relaxing together. We are both so tired at the end of the night during the week that we pass out before our sex drives kick in. I will give you some hope, intimate time gets much easier once the baby sleeps through the night.
Cross-post from MoMWoW.org
I was contacted by Shoele of the Working Mama Project. She has read my personal blog about breastfeeding and has shared with me her wonderful project.
I see that you write a lot about breastfeeding and think that this project might be an interesting topic for you. I have made photo project called Working Mama with focus on the beauty and nature of breastfeeding. I hope that you would like to support my project.http://igg.me/at/workingmama/
She is putting together a coffee table book with photos of Mother’s breastfeeding. I admire what she is doing as to me it seems so beautiful to see a mother breastfeeding her baby. In other countries Breastfeeding isn’t shameful like it is made to feel here in the US. I will admit I was a mom who was proud to breastfeed in public. For the most part I used a cover but when the little guy grew so he didn’t like them I nursed without one. I am excited to see Shoele’s dream of having a coffee table book come true. Check out her video and her crowd-funding page. Even if you don’t give, it is interesting to share in her dream. I look forward to the release of her book.
On a personal note: I often look at breastfeeding mamas with such awe and I smile at them. When my supply started to drop seeing a mama breastfeed with ease would make me sad because I wished breastfeeding was an easy venture for me. Oh but was it ever hard yet so rewarding and special. Words can’t describe the love I have for breastfeeding. I know many moms who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t for one reason or another. I also know moms who never had the wish to breastfeed yet they all were supportive of my decision to breastfeed as long as possible.
In support of the Working Mama Project here is my favorite picture of breastfeeding my son. Our youngest cat liked to lay behind our son as he breastfed until he got too big, then she would lay at my feet or on my legs. To this day she sleeps next to his crib at night and for naps. On occasion she will sleep in our room with us.
** Please email me questions or fill out the form below and I will post a response to them.
My Favorite Breastfeeding Moment
I am a couple of weeks behind on our “2013 milestones” but, here we go. I am sure I have missed some milestones, but here are some big ones I can rattle off the top of my head.
Breastfed until 16.5 months, I would have gone longer but my body failed us. (bad boobies!!)
First “real” 2 word phrase – “bay kiki” (Bad Kitty)
First set of molars – January 2013 caused a trip to the ER and resulted in a double ear infection.
First “Big Boy” food- Spinach Feta Pie
First steps – Mid-June 2013 (17.5 mo old)
Recognize all Letters and point to them – 20 months old
First Letter learned and mastered – “E” 19 months old
Recognize numbers 1 – 20 and point to them – 20 months old
Recognize animals and point to them – 16 months old
By the end of 2013 he could say some animals, shapes, colors, about 50% of the alphabet, and numbers 1-10. He can’t do them in order yet but we are working on that.
As of January 15, 2014 when asked “How old are you going to be?” or “how old are you?” he can reply “Two” and attempts to hold up 2 fingers.
This post is spawned for an article from NBC Chef Grant Achatz starts Twitter debate: Should babies be banned from high-end restaurants? by Tracy Saelinger (TODAY contributor).
I don’t think they should ban babies, it is up to the parents to be respectful of others who are dining. If the baby should get agitated or upset and cry, take a breather and walk with the baby. At 8 mo my son was still Breastfeeding so a quick boob fix was all he would need to nod back off again or at least relax and be in mommy milk trance for a while. With that said, my almost 2-year-old doesn’t understand “inside” voice yet. Personally, I would never dream of bringing him to a 3 hour, 18 course meal that cost over $200 per plate and you have to wait for weeks or months for a table.
If you can afford a restaurant that expensive then you probably have a full-time live in nanny that the kids can stay with. Or at least a full-time nanny/babysitter you can ask to stay late and pay them an overtime bonus. Do babysitters cancel, sure they do but then be the respectful parent and walk out when your baby starts to cry. If you are like most Americans and you can’t “normally” afford the restaurant then it is a “special” date night and you should enjoy your spouse/significant other/whoever you are with without babies and children.
We have not had a date night since R was born. We did attempt it once when the little guy was 5 months old but we were called back before our dinner was served. We take him everywhere, he has even been to an Irish Pub!! Of course it was for a late lunch, but he had a good time sitting at the table like a big boy, no high chairs there. He is a good baby/toddler and on the rare occasion when he gets a little loud(or has a tantrum) I excuse myself and take him outside for a cool down walk. Most times people give the look of sympathy as I walk by with a mad toddler.
All in all, maybe not ban babies but if the parents don’t get off their asses and take the baby out of the restaurant then definitely have the waiter politely ask them to take the baby outside until it has calmed down and is no longer crying. It is the parents who need to be respectful of others.
Good Morning Blog readers!! It is Monday morning and we are ready for another yoyo week of rain, snow, rain and more snow. While mother nature has it in for us here in the wonderful state of Massachusetts with the temps bouncing between the 20’s and the 40’s we have a fun-filled week ahead. Maybe I can witness my son doing something crazy again. LOL
This past Saturday we were at the local mall play area where I usually take him to play and burn some energy. I love watching all the different children interact together. It amazes me every time we go how many adults aren’t keeping an eye on the children they are there with. They are playing with or talking on their phones. In the meantime I have a toddler running around having a good time going through the tunnels and climbing into the cars and boats. The thing that annoys me the most is when the unsupervised children are jumping off of one of the play fixtures. It isn’t the jumping part as much as where they are jumping off. They jump off over the tunnel holes. I can’t count how many times I have had to either tell those kids to be careful there were toddlers and babies crawling through the tunnel. I often wonder how much these kids get away with at home if they are so unruly and neglected in a public play area. Sometimes I want to go up to the adults and ask them if they think it is ok for the child they are not watching to potentially jump on my baby, now toddler’s head. I bite my tongue so far because when I ask the older kids to be careful they typically stop or at least look before jumping to make sure it is clear of littler kids.
The funniest thing I have seen my little guy do in the play area this weekend. There was a little boy, maybe about 5 years old, starting to have a temper tantrum. The little boy started to yell and scream with some tears because his adult told him it was time to leave. So my little guy stops in his tracks while running around, looks at the little boy and yells at him with a growl like yell. It really sounded like he was possessed by the demon in the exorcist. Then my little one ran away squealing with delight. The little boy stopped his tantrum like he was in shock, got down still sniffling, and went over to his adult to leave without a fight. I have no idea what was said in that scary yell but it was enough to help calm the tantrum. Now, if only I had a child to do that when my little guy is having a tantrum. LOL
A few months ago we decided to move. Our target time frame is about 16 months from now. We decided to move to be closer to family and friends. My fiancée had a scare in September. After everything calmed down and he was home from the hospital we talked about the what if’s. He would like us to be close to family and friends who could help me out if anything should happen. Home is where ever we are together, but with the little guy in tow now our priorities have changed.
I spent today looking at various apartments and places for rent online. Some I knew of but I found one that is a hidden gem. Has everything we would ever want. It is a townhouse with a full basement with washer and dryer hook ups, 1 full bath up stairs and a 1/2 bath on the 1st floor, HUGE kitchen and living room, but the best thing is the private fenced in small garden backyard. The best part is that it cost the same as what we are paying for our 1 bedroom 1 bath we have now.
Now I am super excited!! I am looking forward to visiting in the spring so I can check it out. It will be so nice to be around my family and have Robert grow up with his cousins and my friends kids who are the same age. I have started organizing our stuff and we have consolidated everything we can. ♥
My mind is still spinning about something that happened today. A dear friend of mine always puts other people first. She has nothing, and when I say nothing I mean her unemployment was cut off when she was owed about 7 weeks past due pay, Her husband has been out of work thanks to the holidays and his clients going on vacations, they don’t even have money for their rent. Their Christmas celebration was happy because of the generosity of others. Today I was scoping out some of the Facebook boards I am on to see if there was anything else I “needed”. I noticed my friend had some things posted for sale and then some guy she doesn’t even know and I have never seen active in the group before replies with the nastiest comment accusing her of asking for Christmas Donation gifts and then re-selling them.
ARE YOU EFF’N KIDDING ME BUDDY!!! (check out: “Christmas is a Time for Giving“)
Well, I don’t tolerate people talking crap about others and god forbid you do it about one of my friends but when you tell a blatant lie that I happen to be associated with WATCH OUT!!! I think being a full-time Mommy has kicked the Mama Bear Instinct into over drive. I set him straight on that real quick and tagged the moderators of the group in my comment so nothing could be twisted about me or my post. I must pat myself on the back because I was direct about it but I was pretty nice too.
After I had that posted up I read through some of the other comments after his on her post and I can’t believe how absolutely terrible people can be. It was like watching a bunch of middle school punks bullying another kid. I was reading these hateful words and really wondering how people could be so mean to and about someone they never met. My heart broke for my friend so I messaged her as soon as I finished my comment to let her know I had her back.
So here is a very nice woman trying to take care of her family and get money for rent the only way she can. And what do people do??? bash her and make her cry. After this she has now decided she doesn’t want to help anyone else out unless she knows them. She has taken down her posts and has decided that she won’t sell any of the items at all. Where does this leave her… Thank you to the FB bullies what messages are they teaching their kids. Are their kids as mean and nasty as they are? How can people be so cruel?
ARRG!!!!! MEAN PEOPLE SUCK!!!
Well I am wore out and I still have 2 days of running around to do. I have driven around and picked up a lot of items people wanted to gift to families in need for this christmas season. I was inspired by a dear friend of mine and a post she put on one of our Facebook boards. We put others before ourselves and I am sure that is what makes us such good friends. It has been a very long time since I have had a close friend like this.
When I saw her post I noticed people had said that they had stuff but she doesn’t have a car to pick stuff up. We happened to be getting stuff from the same person and I asked if she was giving stuff to my friend and told her I would pick it up at the same time. At that moment I knew what would really mean a lot, pick up the items people were offering and then taking them to families in need. Some I wrapped so the families wouldn’t have to try to do that as well and other requested no wrapping so they could do that. Turns out there are more people who need at least one present to put under their tree than I ever thought there was. My heart breaks because I know first hand how hard it is and the struggle of being a single family income. But, in the end it fills my heart with great joy to know that I can help put a smile on a little child’s face just by taking a little of my time to pick up and drop off some things.
Christmas is a time of year when we should think of others not ourselves. Give to others to see their joy and never expect anything back in return. Plus it is more fun to give than to get. 2 more days of pick ups and drop offs. YAWN This girl needs some sleep.
I hear reports ever day it seems as to how a teenager has disappeared. Why is it that so many kids from 13- 16 years old seem to be vanishing? Is there a predator out there taking them and selling them? Are they getting mixed up with mysterious “online” dating? Are they hooking up with strangers, fall in “love” and then run away?
The most alarming things I keep hearing about is all the toddlers that are being snatched. First of all why would anyone let a toddler play without supervision in the front yard? That is just asking for a disaster. Oh man, I would never let our little one play outside alone this young. Heck, who knows what age is “ok” these days. What happened to the days when I was a young kid and could not only play outside alone but could ride my bike around the neighborhood alone and go out and play as long as I was back in time for dinner or before dark which ever came first? There are so many more things to worry about with our young children these days.
Sometimes I think if our little guy could be locked up and kept on a leash to keep him safe I would in a heartbeat if I thought it wouldn’t traumatized him. But we can’t do that to our kids, if we did they would grow up missing the most fundamental aspects of growing up… Time away from Mom and Dad to do what they want and to explore new things.
My heart goes out to all parents and families who have lost a child. For the children who are missing, I hope most of them can be found and brought home.
I love all the people who have really stuck by my side no matter what and for that each moment I am very thankful to have each of you in my life, you are my family.
Some of you I haven’t met in person and you have still been there for me when I needed a sounding board.
Some of you I have known practically my whole life and others for a short while.
No matter where you are in the world, near or far, you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers each moment of every day.
You are the ones who give me strength to be who I am no matter what the obstacles.
You are the ones who stand beside me and hold my hand when times get rough.
You are the ones that against all odds will be there for me as steady as a rock.
Some of you will lose contact with me yet even then you will still be in my heart like family.
Some of you will reconnect with me after years apart and a piece of my heart will heal.
Some of you will be lost forever and for that, my heart grieves for you and the loss with each moment that passes you will be missed.
This is the time of year when I verbally say “Thank You Friends, for being my Family.”
To those who have strayed from our bond
Know the door is always open,
The phone line is always clear,
Social media is accessible.
You are never out of my heart, thoughts and well wishes.
Always remember, you are loved for who you are not by the actions you take.
You are family, no matter what drifts people apart, family is forever.
❤ Many blessings to be shared with those near and far, from the depths of my heart “I Thank You”. ❤